fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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