well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
