I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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