Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
