awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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