i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
