Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
