dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
