this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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