So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
