I wanna passion pit in your ass
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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