cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize