Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i believe in u and ur pee
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
