the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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