wat bout pragnant strippers??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
