You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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