He had one of those small greek statue penises
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
