does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
