I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
