The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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