I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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