He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
