totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I touched a dick in church today
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
