Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
