that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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