he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
