Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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