Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize