Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
whose parrot is this?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
