Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
