tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
