Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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