he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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