Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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