we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
