We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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