we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
