I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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