glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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