cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
