why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
