i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You're like the curious george of whores
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
