20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
