I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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