Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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