What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
