I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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