i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
