At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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