If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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