PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
