Dual....:-)
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
