Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
