At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
