Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize