You really coming over, don't trick.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
