Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
