Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
