i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
