Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
